This mock-gazette was found in a box of old papers. Written and illustrated by my grandmother and great-aunt in 1936 during a February storm (so they explain within) when the schools were closed for a week, the mimeographed newspaper "reports" on fictitious stories involving immediate family and friends. K.N.T.A, as its authors call it, includes an advice column, advertisements, market report, household hints, book review, a poetry corner, and intelligence tests, all done tongue-in-cheek and rather wittily. It's twelve pages in all. Here are some excerpts.
"LOST: One brother, who used to write a letter once a year, but has now joined the ranks of the unknown. Anyone knowing the whereabouts and whatabouts of said person - please send a photograph of him to me so I'll be able to identify him when I see him - Julien Buckneberg"
"Wanted: A yes man. Marie Buckneberg" [my grandmother]
"Wanted to buy: A parrot (English speaking). Valborg Buckneberg" [my great-aunt]
"The 1936 Emancipation Proclamation to Housewives. NEW PIE PLANT DISCOVERY - Planting instructions free with each order of seed. Lawrence and Thelma Burbank Jacobson. [my great-uncle and aunt]"
"BE PREPARED: What would you do if Tommy fell down the basement steps? Read our new book on Bringing up Children. Agnes and Swede Swenson"
"Grandma's Prize Winning Waffles which seem to say 'I feel like a feather in the breeze.' Light-weight Champions. Mail Orders For Your Convenience."
"Your portraits painted while you wait - or by mail, if you prefer. Just write and let me know how you wish to look - pretty or Natural. Studio - Room 1 upstairs. Ada Buckneberg - artist"
"Kon's Kremey Koconut Kracaroons. Strictly Fresh! More than a Kooky, it's a Konfection. Telephone RU 264281 (get this?) Konrad Isakson - Prop."
"Notice: In case of a misunderstanding allow me to state that the 2 (two) first Leap Year ceremonies will be performed free of charge for nothing. Rev. A. Buckneberg [my great-grandfather]"
"DoReMi Ericksonskavitchski announces a new course which includes lessons in Voice, Piano, Tuba. Private lessons by mail. Hansell Conservatory Studio 7-W, Hansell, Iowa."
"The Book of the week-month-year. Get your copy while they last. The whole town's talking about the latest success of A. Tolstoi Buckneberg: And Why Not?" [a book review of "And Why Not?" the fictitious novel, was included by my ever-inventive great-aunt]
"Mademoiselle Carolina Modista announces the showing of some of her new Parisian frocks and gowns some of which are illustrated elsewhere in this paper."
"NEW DISCOVERY. Heartless Wretches or Broken-Hearted Mortals - No longer need you suffer. New pink hearts installed painlessly. Local anaesthetic. (Ed. note. She talks you to sleep). Offices in Buckneberg parlor, kitchen, dining room, basement and upstairs. Dr. Leenie Buck."
"Let Julien plan your next house. J.F.B. Architect. Farmer school, Fargone, N.D. (pictured, Bungle-owe No. 361)"
